Off subject, way off subject!

I was in the restroom at work yesterday. I know that this is not an unusual happening on a daily basis, and you are probably wondering why I am mentioning it, but contrary to popular belief I do have a point. Even if it is obscure!!

Anyway, I was in the WC Suite and this particular toilet seems to run a little slowly in its flushing ability. Sometimes you have to make certain that it does its job. I will stand at the sink washing my hands and keep an eye on it for this purpose.

As I watched the swirling water level get higher and closer to the edge of the bowl, I prepared myself for the possibility of having to quickly turn the water off behind the fixture to keep from an imminent flood. In the back of my mind I kept hearing the deep gravel voiced line of the evil Sith lord in the last Star Wars movie as he stated to a young Skywalker .... "Rise.."

The bowl however, did not succumb to the dark side.

I told you I had a point. Yeah it's obscure, I didn't claim I wasn't ever prone to fits of minor geekdom! And I finally saw this movie just the other weekend so it was fresh in my mind (no matter how hard I tried to block it out!)

These are a few of my favorite things

In light of my previous post I have made a quick list of the things I love. The following are in no particular order:

1 - Getting personal mail in the US Mail!! Letters and cards are so much fun! (Kerri rules!)
2 - Breathing
3 - Writing something that I think is bland and boring, then coming back to it and realizing I must have been super over critical.
4 - My family and friends.
5 - Laughing so hard my face hurts and my stomach aches. (At work this is particularly exciting!)
6 - Good music - lyrics that move me and backed by a sound that makes me feel things I didn't think were possible!
7 - Coffee
8 - Dark chocolate in small doses. When it melts on your tongue and makes you glad to be alive to experience it first hand.
9 - When people say 'thank you' and really mean it. Same with 'I'm sorry'.
10 - My camera
11- Realizing my potential
12 - Spending time with the people I care about.
13 - Road trips!
14 - Clean sheets
15 - Thunder storms
16 - Breathing (I realize I have mentioned this before, but I am good at it!)
17 - Movies
18 - Watching my cat play with his favorite toy that was made by sewing a small tube of red felt like material stuffed with batting. He stalks it, ignores it and acts like it is on fire when he touches it, then stops his actions when he catches me (or anyone) watching.
19 - Men who can admit their shortcomings and don't try to over compensate instead.
20 - Reading everyone's mind. I know what you are thinking.... You must be crazy!
21 - Baseball. I know this doesn't seem to fit into the genre of most of my life, but if you stop to examine the physics of the game, it boggles my mind that it can actually be played! I love it.


I could go on, but then you would start to think that I am really a happy person! ;)

Well blow me down!

A friend made an observation to me yesterday as we were driving around town. Actually, we were waiting for our coffee to be prepared when he stated he didn't think he had ever seen me happy. He said it in jest, but the wonderful and disturbing thing about him is nothing he says is ever usually without reason.

I was a little shocked.

I am happy dammit! In my little satin and velvet filled existence, my gothic tendencies show their heads once in a while I admit. I write dark, somewhat demented horror and science fiction movies and novels. My poetry can be filled with such longing and desire it hurts me to put it to paper at times. But in my doing so, I keep my sanity.

Not happy. HA!

Okay - so maybe there are some things that would cause me to experience the state of happiness if they changed. Like finally getting to move without these little hitches popping up now and again. And having a local boyfriend now, instead of in a few months from now, would make me more happy.
Or how about hearing back with certainty from the producers who are going over my work that they want to go ahead with the project? That would definitely be a huge happy inducer!


Change takes time, and getting out of a rutting funk (careful!!!) can be difficult and slow. But I ask, when have you seen me without a smile? When am I not cracking some crazy joke? My impish behavior is my calling card for crying out loud!

I am too stubborn to succumb to depression, so I will always resort to sarcasm baby!

After I made these observations to him, he told me that a collection agent, who had been calling to get money from him, left him a personal message advising she had been thinking about him a lot. I said it was an interesting way to get out of debt. I dropped him at his house, he handed me 20 bucks (told me he would double it next time if I brought a friend) said he adored me and got out of the car.

My friends make me happy! =)

and puppies....

In passing

I was sitting at work one day dealing with everyday mundane routines, when a coworker, for no other apparent reason than just to break up some silence, piped up with this gem.

"You know what word I like?" She asked. Not waiting for response she went on. "Vagina!" It was triumphant in it's delivery. "You say it and people get easily shocked and don't know how to react!"

To see her, you wouldn't surmise she thought like this. Ethereal, blonde, tall and slender. An angel who spends her time gracing the rest of us grunting, single browed cretins who wander the earth in search of something greater, with her presence. Fantastically sweet and seemingly innocent, she is at the same time sarcastic, witty and ultimately charming.

And she cracks me up.

I lost my original Angel of humor when she wisely (albeit heartbreakingly) left me without a cubicle mate. She will be remembered most fondly!

It is true, you say the word Vagina and people do tend to react oddly. Wouldn't you?


I have a distraction until I leave. I will survive it.


The cheese stands alone.

Mindless wanderings

The blank pages stares at me. Mocking my inability to create something worthwhile for it to proudly bear. As quickly as the thought is born, it slips silently away before its final realization.

I stand quietly as the world spins by, constant in its changing whereas I seem to always remain the same.
I have imperfections that remind me of my humility, reinforced by arguments with self doubt. Equally, I am balanced by the joy I feel at my strengths when they make themselves known.

In my tortured little mind, my sense of direction seems twisted and lacks realism, but it is in this world of fantasy that the basis for my reality seems to lie.

I send my anger, love, resentment and glorious anticipation into the written word, and the fruition of my imagination takes shape. Presents itself for public viewing, secretly cringing at the revealing of another small piece of my soul, but allowing the wonderment of this torture to fulfill my desire for promises I once made for myself.

As I wait for myself to return, I see the beauty and tragedy I am immersed in daily, and relish in the gifts it leaves in its wake. Drowning deep in my memories and awaking to a new challenge in the next blank page.

Quirky little people

I got accosted by a homeless man this morning on the way in from the car. I was putting some change in the parking meter. He shuffled quietly up to me and loudly asked: "got anything to spare?" I shook my head and indicated the machine I just fed, advising I had put it all in there. He looked at me a moment, then he responded with, "So when did you start hating black people?!"
I stopped and stared at him and murmured under my breath. "When did you decide you were black?" The man was whiter than me.... I said aloud "Let me get back to you on that" and walked off.

I add this to the long list of strange behavior exhibiting people who wander around the downtown area. He holds residence with characters like "The Groper" who, upon approaching a person of the female gender, would grope them, push them down, then run away. (Which can also describe a lot of guys I went to high school with!)
And how about "The Fake out"? This is the man who attempts to rob you by putting his hand in his pocket with his finger sticking out to indicate a gun. Acts of desperation that usually end in some sort of humiliation for either victim or aggressor.

Strangely enough, I discovered upon moving to a smaller town from a larger city, that acts of individual violence occurred against me more so than before. I pondered this for some time, when I realized that there may not be more crime, as compared to a smaller pool of victims to choose from. Playing the odds I guess, I am moving back to the big city....bigger pool.

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

I have been overly cranky the last few days. I fear I am not dealing with my stress as well as I should. Little things rear up and share their ugly reasoning with me, and as much as I try to avoid them, they grab me by the hair and knock me around. I have been wandering about my apartment whimpering quietly to myself and getting absolutely nothing accomplished!

I know that these things are temporary set backs and minor difficulties at best, but my sense of the dramatic seems to need nourishment these days, so I have been reacting (or rather OVER reacting) to every odd little nuance.

Anyone want to come to a pity party? Ignore that chick in the corner who keeps rocking back and forth and repeating "Happy place...Happy place..."

Fortunately, my support system is very adept at keeping me sane, and I know how to deal with my snafus for the most part.

I am also getting a little antsy because my birthday is next month, and my worst fear of stagnation shows up in the form of "Look back at what you have (not) done!" every year around this time.

Don't worry, I will get over it - I just need the wheel of change to continue turning and not get run over in the process! Go me!


The coolest thing today? I got an email advising me it was time to purchase tickets to this event . I have convinced my man that this would be the coolest thing ever. I like anything that allows me to dress up and become something else, and he has graciously agreed to go.

Well, look at that... a happy place!